Learning to Trust Yourself Again

Today is the fourth and final installment of a collection of wisdom from you, my Spirit Animals. Thank you so much for all the responses. Once they started trickling in, a stream became a flood. I'm incredibly grateful to everyone for all you shared. Incredible stuff!

And the surprises continue...

Some of the most powerful responses I received weren't about strategies or returns.

They were about rebuilding trust in themselves after getting crushed.

This is the part of trading nobody talks about enough. The psychological rebuilding that has to happen before you can trade well again.

 (Using initials to respect privacy)

The COVID Casualties

Multiple traders shared similar stories: they got into options during COVID, made some money at first, then got destroyed.

M was one of them:

"I got onto the day trading train during Covid like so many other people. I was taking massive risk that I didn't fully understand, and lost more money than I'd like to admit. I took a break from trading for 2 years because the level of anxiety trading was causing was no longer acceptable, and I also didn't trust myself. I didn't trust myself to be responsible, I didn't trust myself to follow a plan and not deviate, I didn't trust myself to be honest about the risk level I'm taking on."

Two years away. Because she didn't trust herself.

This year? "I think for me it's been a year of building trust in myself again... My goal is just to get back in the game without losing sleep at night. I don't want to be watching the market everyday, and I don't want to lose sleep over one down day or one crazy tweet about nothing. I think I have achieved exactly that."

That's what success looks like when you're rebuilding. Not massive returns—just getting back in the game without anxiety.

The Blown Accounts

R's story hit differently because he's now thriving, but the road was brutal:

"I've been trading since the Covid crash, and I've gotten crushed several times... I've tried all types of strategies - day trading strategies, swing trading, long term, etc. None of them worked well for me exactly as I learned them from others, it's taken me 5 years, 2 blown accounts, and a loan from my 401k to figure out what works for me."

Five years. Two blown accounts. A 401k loan.

But this year his account is up 4x and he's offset all his prior losses.

The transformation wasn't about finding a magic strategy. It was about trusting a process enough to execute it consistently.

The Scared Money Trap

D's message was heartbreaking in its honesty:

"I finally managed to round up some money. So started trading live. And then the first week or two managed to lose about 20% of the account. So now I don't really know what to do. Seems like even with a little bit more money, I'm still trading with scared money. I don't know how to get around that."

This is the trap. You need capital to trade, but if it's capital you can't afford to lose, you'll trade scared. And scared trading rarely works.

We talked about this earlier in the year. If you're trading with money you can't afford to lose, stop. Go to cash. Shore up your finances first. Come back when the money is truly expendable.

The Trust-Building Process

What does rebuilding trust actually look like?

M described her approach: "Your methodical approach really helps me with having a plan and understanding my risk before entering the trade. But in the end, I have to be responsible for my own account. I have learned to come up with my own rules that make me sleep well at night. Sometimes they are more conservative than your rules, and that's what I needed. I needed to do that to trust myself again."

She took my framework and made it her own. More conservative. Better suited to her psychology.

That's not weakness—that's wisdom.

R learned similar lessons the hard way: "Trust my own experience and chart reading - I have been doing this long enough to recognize chart patterns and should trust myself to know when things are overbought or oversold... Don't rely on or wait for others for exits (even if they are the 'experts' or are a 'paid service'), it is still your money."

She learned to trust her own read. Even when it conflicted with the "experts."

The Confidence Paradox

Here's what's interesting: confidence doesn't come from winning. It comes from trusting your process enough to survive losing.

L captured this perfectly: "The biggest lesson was that trading success comes less from predicting markets and more from managing myself within them."

Managing yourself within the markets.

That's where confidence lives. Not in your ability to predict, but in your ability to manage yourself regardless of what happens.

R described his journey: "2025 I began trading. Sometimes too active... I had doubts when I began this journey in 2024. This year I proved to myself and those around me that it can be done. I realized an additional middle class income along the way."

He proved it to himself. That's what matters.

The Full-Time Leap

D's story was wild. He left a six-figure job to start a company with a fraternity brother. That imploded. Found himself with no income, a resume gap, and a trading account funded at "side hustle" levels.

His response? Go full-time trading.

"I know what you're thinking - famous last words. The stock market is the last place to go when you need income. But it felt strangely safe. I felt very certain that throwing myself into trading full time was the only way I'd develop past the plateau that I'd seemingly reached up to that point in my journey."

Is this what I'd recommend? Hell no. But here's what he discovered:

"I'm operating a bit more stressed out than I'd like to be, but I'm just glad I'm not too comfortable. I used to make good money at my job and throw extra into my trading account and blow it, knowing that I'd replenish it in two weeks. For some reason, I needed to go full time in order to trade like a pro. Maybe I just didn't have the discipline I needed when I had two sources of income."

Sometimes you need skin in the game to take it seriously. Sometimes comfort is the enemy of discipline.

I'm not advocating for his approach. But I understand it.

The Real Journey

N made an observation that stuck with me: "Mental clarity and lifestyle tips from people such as yourself, Phil Pearlman, and Jason Perz... It's important to have perspective."

Trading isn't just technical. It's psychological. It's lifestyle. It's about building a life that supports good decision-making.

R, at 77 years old, is still learning and evolving: "The best lesson I have learned from the past year was the transition from being an old school trained stock trader to a more options based model of trading... Because of your guidance and ASO I have been able to craft a better model for my trading."

Seventy-seven years old. Still learning. Still evolving. Still building trust in new approaches.

The Takeaway

Trust isn't rebuilt through positive thinking or affirmations. It's rebuilt through small, consistent actions that prove to yourself you can follow through.

Every time you honor a stop, you build trust. Every time you take profits at your target, you build trust. Every time you pass on a trade that doesn't fit your criteria, you build trust.

The traders who rebuilt confidence this year didn't do it by winning big. They did it by proving to themselves—trade after trade, day after day—that they could execute their process.

That's how you get back in the game. Not with bravado or big swings, but with consistent, disciplined execution that slowly rebuilds the foundation.

Want to be part of a community that understands this journey? All Star Options brings together traders at every stage—from rebuilding after losses to managing success. Join us and stop going it alone.

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Sean McLaughlin | Chief Options Strategist, All Star Charts