This morning, I learned that an old friend of mine passed away.
He was a year or two younger than me. Grew up about ten houses down the street. We hung out a bunch when we were young kids, then again when we were in college. But sadly, we hadn't been in touch much over the past twenty years.
Physical distance and life getting in the way, mostly.
This summer, while spending time with old friends back home, I learned he'd been battling alcoholism for the past 10-15 years. In and out of rehab and hospitals numerous times. But it seemed his life was on the mend. Progress was being made.
Until this week.
This week, we learned he'd been struggling again over the past year and was back in the hospital following another bender that went too far. And after a series of tests, it became obvious there was no coming back this time. The doctor's prognosis was that numerous parts of his body were failing and this week he was told he had maybe 4-6 months to live.
Gut punch.
A good friend who'd stayed close to him spoke to him on the phone a couple times this week to check in and offer support. Things didn't look good. But at least he'd have some time to reconnect with old friends and family before the end. And there's always hope that things could turn around.
The universe had other plans.
This morning, he passed away.
Too soon.
All of us—you, me, everyone—needs to find a way to love and forgive ourselves.
I can't say for sure where things went wrong for my friend. But I know in my heart he was struggling to love himself and find ways to forgive himself.
People abuse alcohol for a large variety of reasons. It's rarely just one reason. But one reason that's likely universal, though often unconscious, is that the abuser cannot find a way to love themselves.
How can anyone argue they truly love themselves if they consciously make a decision to poison their bodies repeatedly?
Yes, I know that addicts often cannot make rational decisions.
It's true with alcohol addictions. It's true with drugs, painkillers, relationships, gambling. Even trading addictions.
The addict cannot stop.
They couldn't love themselves. Which leads to regrets. Which leads to depression. Which leads to the spiral.
If we can only learn to love and forgive ourselves, we have a chance.
I write about trading. That's what you're here for. But we're humans first, traders second.
The same patterns that destroy people in addiction show up in trading. The inability to forgive yourself for losses. The self-hatred that creeps in after blowing up an account. The shame that keeps you from being honest about where you are.
How many traders are punishing themselves right now? Believing they're not good enough. Not smart enough. Not disciplined enough.
How many are trapped in cycles they can't break because they haven't learned to forgive themselves for past mistakes?
I've been there more times than I care to recount. Most of us have.
The trader who can't stop revenge trading after a loss? That's not a strategy problem. That's a self-love problem.
The trader who sabotages every winning streak? That's not bad luck. That's someone who doesn't believe they deserve success.
The trader who risks money they can't afford to lose, over and over? They're not stupid. They're hurting.
If we can learn to love and forgive ourselves, we have a chance.
Not just in trading. In life.
You're going to make mistakes. You're going to have losing trades. You're going to do things you wish you hadn't done.
That doesn't make you unworthy. It makes you human.
The questions are:
Can you forgive yourself?
Can you learn from it without destroying yourself over it?
Can you show yourself the same compassion you'd show a friend going through the same thing?
If you have a friend, loved one, or even a trading colleague who could use a word of encouragement, a pat on the back, or even just a simple acknowledgement that they're loved—please reach out to them.
Sometimes it's the littlest things that matter. That turn things around.
A text message. A phone call. Just checking in.
You might not think it matters. But it does.
My friend is gone. I can't call him anymore. I can't tell him that I remember the good times, that he mattered, that he was loved.
But you can reach out to someone who needs to hear it today.
Don't wait.
And if you're the one struggling: you're not alone. You're not broken beyond repair. You're worthy of love and forgiveness—especially from yourself.
Trading can wait. Markets will be here tomorrow. Your mental health and your life matter more than any position, any P&L, any winning streak or losing streak.
We are humans first, traders second.
Take care of the human part. The rest will follow.
Rest in peace, Andy. I wish I'd had a chance to say goodbye.
If you're reading this and struggling—with trading, with self-forgiveness, with anything—my inbox is open. Sometimes just knowing someone's willing to listen makes a difference. Email me at [email protected]. I can't fix everything, but I can offer a word of encouragement when you need one.
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Sean McLaughlin | Chief Options Strategist, All Star Charts
